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"Asshole of the Decade Award Ceremony"
Washington DC--Tonight, ladies and gentlemen, we're here to honor one of the most prestigious candidates to be awarded the "Asshole of the Decade" in a long time. A man whose accomplishments in this field of rectums that far surpass the others who've preceded him, whose example has set new standards. A candidate who has vigorously defended, under the guise of protecting freedom of speech, some of the most vile and perverted pornographers in that sleazy, but lucrative field. A nominee who has went out of his way to stand up for a murderer of a police officer, to prevent that poor soul, who just happens to be a 'Chosen One,' from being executed. A man who has bragged about being a MOSSAD agent who sets in on discussions to choose which Palestinians shall be extrajudicially executed. A splendid example of our 'Tribe,' who is an enthusiastic fan of torture, like sticking hot needles under a person's fingernails! A candidate who has went out of his way to savagely attack Judge Goldstone for that verboten look into Israeli war crimes.... Oops! Did I mention war crimes and Israel in the same sentence? Someone who wants to be the next president of our kind and peace loving state of Israel. So join the ADL and your host, Abe Foxman in showing your appreciation for all that he has done! Ladies and gentlemen, without further ado, I give you, from the University of Israel's Harvard campus.... Professor Alan Dershowitz!