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Mitt Romney - Mormon President - United States of America
Mitt Romney follows the policital heritage of not only his father, George Romney but of the founder of Mormonism, Joseph Smith, Jr. who both failed in their runs for the U.S. Presidency. Please add material or comments at the bottom of this section. Is Mr. Romney a "Mormon Mannequin?" This section is neither pro or con Romney. It's purpose is to bring out the Mormon culture dimensions of Romney's run for the Presidency. Many of the contributors to this section also post on the Recovery from Mormonism bulletin board. Related websites: mittandmormonism.com, exposeromney.com
Barrack Obama boots Mitt Romney - "Obama's Invisible Boot" by grindaelHow The Gingrich Stole Mittsmas12/17/2011 - Adapted from Dr. Suess's "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" by cricket
Out west in Mo-ville (Utah)
Liked Mitt Romney a lot...
But the Gingrich,
Who lives far south of Mo-ville,
The Gingrich hated Mittsmas! The whole Mittsmas campaign season!
Now, please don't ask why. Best deny "CULT" is the reason.
It could be that his head was screwed on to the "far right".
It could be, perhaps, that his views were too tight.
But I think that the most likely reason of all...
Was his "red state" voter chart was two sizes too small.
But, Whatever the reason, His chart or sniff from his political nose,
He stood there on Mittsmas Eve, hating the Mos,
Staring down from his nave with a sour Grinrichy frown
At the warm lighted windows below in their town.
For he knew every Mo down in Mo-ville beneath
Was busy now, hanging a "Mitts-letoe" wreath.
"And they're hanging their campaign banners!" he snarled with a sneer.
"Tomorrow is Mittsmas! It's practically here!"
Then he growled, with his Gringrich fingers nervously drumming,
"I MUST find a way to keep Mittsmas from coming!"
For, tomorrow, he knew...
...All the Mo girls and boys
Would wake up bright and early their Romney campaign to employ!
And then! Oh, the noise! Oh, the noise! Noise! Noise! Noise!
That's one thing he hated! The NOISE! NOISE! NOISE! NOISE!
Then fund raisers, young and old, would start phoning to fleece.
And they'd fleece! And they'd fleece!
And they'd FLEECE! FLEECE! FLEECE!
They would start with BYU Alumni, a holy war chest to increase
Which was something the Gringrich couldn't stand in the least!
And then they'd do something he liked least of all!
Every Mo down in Mo-ville, the tall and the small,
Would stand close together, with Mittsmas bells ringing.
They'd stand hand-in-hand. And the Mos would start singing!
They'd sing! And they'd sing!
AND they'd SING! SING! SING! SING!
And the more the Gingrich thought of this Mo-Tab Choir bling
The more the Gingrich thought, "I must stop this whole thing!
"Why for sixty-eight years I've put up with it now!
I MUST stop Mittsmas from coming! ...But HOW?"
Then he got an idea!
An awful idea!
The Gingrich GOT A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA!
"I know just what to do!" The Gingrich laughed in his throat.
And he made a quick Mo-Missionary hat and a coat.
And he chuckled, and clucked, "What a great Gingrichy snit!
"With this coat and this hat, I'll look just like Saint Mitt!"
"All I need is a bicycle..."
The Gingrich looked around.
But since at campaign H Q, there was none to be found.
Did that stop the old Gingrich...?
No! The Gringrich simply said,
"If I can't find a bicycle, I'll make one instead!"
So he called Carl Rove. Then he took some old tread
And he tied on a back pack and away he then sped.
Then He loaded some gags
And campaign banners a snarl
On a Rove ram-jet sleigh,
Then he hitched up ol' Carl.
Then the Gingrich said, "Giddyap!"
And the sleigh started down
Toward the homes where the Mos
Lay a-snooze in their town.
All their windows were dark. Quiet snow filled the air.
All the Mos were all dreaming of victory without care
When he came to the first house in the square.
"This is stop number one," The old Gingrichy Claus hissed
And he climbed to the roof, empty bags in his fist.
Then he slid down the chimney. A rather tight pinch.
But if Santa could do it, then so could the Gingrich.
He got stuck only once, for a moment or two.
Then he stuck his head out of the fireplace flue
Where the "Romney For President" banners all hung in a row.
"These banners," he grinned, "are the first things to go!"
Then he slithered and slunk, with a smile most unpleasant,
Around the whole room, and he took every argument!
Sloguns! And sound bites! Boiler plates! Podiums!
Precinct boards! News cycles! Pamphlets! And dictums!
And he stuffed them in bags. Then the Gingrich, very nimbly,
Stuffed all the bags, one by one, up the chimney!
Then he slunk to the campaign box. He took the Mo's crees!
He took the Mo-pyramiding! He took the committees!
He cleaned out that campaign box as quick as a flash.
Why, that Gingrich even took their last can of Mo-cash!
Then he stuffed all the gooh up the chimney with glee.
"And NOW!" grinned the Gingrich, "This is how to stuff a Romney!"
And the Grinch grabbed Mitt by the knee, and started to shove
When he heard a small sound like the coo of a dove.
He turned around fast, and he saw a young Mo!
Sweet Molly-Mo, with that Mo-Spirit a glow.
The Gingrich had been caught by this young Mo-volunteer
Who'd gotten up for hot chocolate instead of a beer.
She stared at the Gingrich and said, "Santy Newt, why,
"Why are you taking our Mittens? WHY?"
But, you know, that old Gingrich was so smart and so slick
He thought up a lie, and he thought it up quick!
"Why, my sweet young thing," the fake Santy Newt lied,
"There's a hair on Mitt's head that's sticking up on one side.
"So I'm taking Mitt home to my barbershop, my dear.
"I'll fix Mitt up there. Then I'll bring Mitt back here."
And his fib fooled the lass. Then he patted her ass
And he got her a drink and he sent her to bed.
And when Cindy-Jo Mo went to bed with her cup,
He went to the chimney and stuffed Romney right up!
Then the final thing he took
Was their last campaign flyer.
Then he went up the chimney himself, the old liar.
On their walls he left nothing but hooks, and some wire.
And the one speck of funding
That he left in the home
Wouldn't cover air fare for the Travelocity Gnome.
It was quarter past dawn...
All the Mos, still a-bed
All the Mos, still a-snooze
When he packed up his sled,
Packed it up with their pamphlets! The ribbons! The flappings!
The tags! And the spinnings! The teasers! The trappings!
Three thousand feet up! Up the side of Mount Crumpit,
Above Angel Moroni's trumpet, he rode to the tiptopt to dump it
"Pooh-pooh to the Mos!" he was Gingrich-ish-ly humming.
"They're finding out now that no Mittsmas is coming!
"They're just waking up! I know just what they'll do!
"Their mouths will hang open a minute or two
"The all the Mos down in Mo-ville will all cry BOO-HOO!"
"That's a noise," grinned the Gingrich,
"That I simply must hear!"
So he paused. And the Gingrich put a hand to his ear.
And he did hear a sound rising over the snow.
It started in low. Then it started to grow...
But the sound wasn't sad!
Why, this sound sounded merry!
It couldn't be so!
But it WAS merry! VERY!
He stared down at Mo-ville!
The Gingrich popped his eyes!
Then he shook!
What he saw was a shocking surprise!
Every Mo down in Mo-ville, the tall and the small,
Was campaigning! Without any pamphlets at all!
He HADN'T stopped Mittsmas from coming!
IT CAME! Somehow or other, it came just the same!
And the Gingrich, with his gingrich-feet ice-cold in the snow,
Stood puzzling and puzzling: "How could it be so?
It came like pioneer trekkers! It came like Bo Gritz!
"Swarms of seagulls and crickets, But mostly Mo-Rich!"
And he puzzled three hours, `till his puzzler was sore.
Then the Gingrich thought of something he hadn't before!
"Maybe Mittsmas," he thought, "Comes from Deseret Book Store.
"Maybe Mittsmas...perhaps...like Mo-Church is stiff and a bore!"
And what happened then...?
Well...in Mo-ville they say
That the Gingrich's large brain
Grew three sizes that day!
And the minute his brain moved even farther to the right,
He whizzed with his load back through the bright morning light
And he brought his rhetoric and noise once and for all to clear up the clatter
And he, ...HE HIMSELF The Gingrich carved up Romney's Rump Roast for the Republican Platter!
A Man On A Mission. Click image to view slide show by the Boston Globe about Romney's Mormon mission to France.
Mitt Romney's Underwear11/10/2010 - The Grinch's Dog
Y'all been living in Utah too long, haven't you? I moved away years ago and find that people don't bash Mormons outside of Utah, and they really couldn't care less about Mormon garments other than the fact that it's an interesting curiosity.
So are Japanese loin cloths, Quakers' outer wear, Orthodox Jew's hairlocks, their own undergarments known as tsitsit--a fringed cloth, beneath their basic black hair locks and clothing; particularly devout Catholics' underwear called a scapular; Tibetan monks' red robes, nuns' and priests' attire.
What about that tall head piece the Pope has to wear? You need to read "The Varieties of Religious Experience" by William James. The Mormon garment defilement on this site comes off as juvenile, like 4th graders snickering in the back row at their Catholic School nun teachers, asking the other if he thinks she's got cooties in her hair from having it covered "like that" all the time.
If you want to bash something truly worth critiquing (okay, worth "bashing!"), let's talk male circumcision, which not only 90 to 99% of Mormons practice, but just as many Americans in general!
That's what I call mass conformity...one of the last barbaric acts largely acceptable in our society? In all of the Western religions? (It is not traditionally practiced in Asian societies, and must have mortified them to discover what we do to our babies.)
I'll wear my snuggly winter-warm garments, symbol of sacred things to hold to heart, of hopes/ideals to strive for, and nothing more complicated than that, but wish they'd left my John alone.
Read here for a relatively respectful approach to an outsider's take on the Mormon garment (and on Mormons): Mitt Romney's Underwear
Headlines From A Romney Administrationby LongGone2 - 01/31/2008
Missouri Board of Tourism Launches Ad Campaign, “Stay in Branson and See the Garden of Eden”
Illinois Put’s “Birthplace of Polygamy” on New License Plates.
New York Launches New Ad Campaign Touting Scenery that Even God and Jesus Couldn’t Resist.
Hill Comorah Pagaent Opens on Broadway
Attorney General Dalin Oaks Orders FBI to Surround San Francisco. Gay Defenders Vow to Continue Resistence.
Oaks Denies Overcrowded Conditions in BYU Gay Reeducation Camps. Assures Investigators that Waterboarding is No Longer Part of the Program.
Supreme Court Justice McConkie Writes Majority Opinion to Uphold the Right Order of Prayer Law. School Systems Expected to Begin Implementing New Law Next Week.
President Romney Signed Bill to Give Mormons Protected Status Under Civil Rights Act.
Steve Benson, Deconstructor and Operative Known Only As “Eric” Placed on FBI’s Most Wanted List for Hate Crimes Against Mormons
Susan S/I Busted in Exmormon Information Distribution Conspiracy. Judge Orders Jail Time for Refusing to Sing for Justice Department Prosecutors
Queen Elizabeth II Refused Entrance to State Dinner for “Showing Too Much Skin”. “We also suspect that her crown is really a second earring,” an unnamed white House source affirmed...
Cape Canaveral: Space Probe, Nephi II, Launched Successfully. Expected to reach Kolob in 2025.
Smithsonian Opens Book of Mormon Exhibit. Public Tours Will be Conducted by Lamanites Who Had to Successfully Complete an Arduous White and Delightsome Screening Process Before Being Hired
First Dog, Seamus, Joins First Family for Trip Down Pennsylvania Avenue. Secret Service Has Trouble Keeping Dog on Roof of Presidential Limosine…
First Lady Anne Romney Hosted First State Dinner at the White House. The menu included la pomme de terre Funerale` and Green Jello Pot de Cremes and was accompanied by Vintage 2007 Sparkling Welshes Grape Juice. After dinner entertainment was provided by the Osmond Family Band in the East Room.
Marie Osmond Honored by the Kennedy Center for lifelong accomplishments and extraordinary talents. She joins a list of our nations’ most prestigious artists, including Leonard Bernstein, Anges deMille, Lynn Fontanne, Marian Anderson and Arthur Rubenstein. Although Ms. Osmond fainted during the ceremony, she assured her concerned fans that she was “just fine” and bravely stayed on for the rest of the ceremony and recovered sufficiently to perform a very perky "shuffle off to Buffalo" for the ecstatic audience.
Packer runaway best seller, “My Little Factory”, enters week 69 as top spot on New York Times Best Seller List.
President and Mrs Romney canceled trip to the Mormon Temple in Silver Spring, Maryland. Two members of Secret Service Detail failed to qualify for temple recommend. Building could not be secured for Presidential visit.
From the National Enquirer: “President’s Green Apron Mysteriously Disappears from First Bedroom” (and the body of the story)”…found being worn by White House pastry chef who claimed it was all a misunderstanding. He took the apron because the green color was perfect for hiding green jello stains.”
Here's another one - by blindguy
Roman Catholics have gone underground as the Romney administration, with the blessing of the LDS church (especially Bruce McConkie) closes Catholic churches, schools and hospitals. Priests and nuns are forced to marry (they were going to have to wait a year for their temple sealings). The Nicean (Apostles') Creed is outlawed for being "too Satanic and cultish". About the only groups that have it worse are atheists and ex-Mormons.
UFO community hopeful that Mitt Romney will disclose the truthby Ian - 12/22/2007
An article published on www.ufoarea.com entitled "Mitt Romney, the best Candidate for UFO disclosure?" outlines a case that Mormonism is the only religion capable of surviving the earth shattering effects of extraterrestrial contact.
Although Romney has not made any campaign promises to disclose classified alien files, UFO believers hope that his theological perspective will lead to more government cooperation and acknowledgement.
Will this new help or hurt Mitt?
Romney as Civil Rights Leaderby AxelDC - 12/22/20077
Romney has a lot of nerve portraying himself as a civil rights leader. He and his church have been on the wrong side of three major civil rights battles in the past 40 years.
1) Racial civil rights: The LDS Church was openly, blatantly, officially racist until 15 years after the Civil Rights Act. They taught that blacks were less humans, descended from Cain and less valiant spirits in Heaven. They taught that the American Indians and Hispanics were descendants of apostate Jews, the Lamanites. They removed Indians from their families to place with white families to improve their lives. In 1989, they excommunicated George Lee for calling them anti-Indian. There is still a lot of unofficial racism in the church today.
2) Antifeminism: The LDS Church proudly helped defeat the ERA. They still limit women's leadership roles to women and children's organizatons. A woman's highest ranking in the church is "Sister", and the most prominent women are spouses of leaders. Women were taught not to work outside the home until fairly recently, and are given inequal status as missionaries. A man is still head of the home in Mormon eyes.
3) Homophobia: Mormons are among the most homophobic organizations in the US. They have given millions to fight gay marriage laws, and still excommunicate church members for being gay. Romney himself is the George Wallace of gay marriage. In 2002, when running for governor, he promised MA voters that he was a supporter of gay rights. In 2004, he did everything in his power to prevent gay marriage while he was governor, including begging the US Congress to amend the US Constitution. He used 1920s miscegnation laws to limit non-resident gay couples from marrying, an irony in itself. His antigay stance dropped his popularity to the low 30s and lead him not to seek a 2nd term in MA.
For Romney to claim stake any claim to King's legacy ignores the long history of regressive stances that he and his church have taken over the last 40 years.
I am a Mormon (cuss)....by SD - 11/30/2007
My name is Mitt,
And if you don't like it who gives a shit.
I've got a nice face and I've got nice tits,
So if looks are what matter then vote for Mitt.
I go to the temple and wear funny clothes,
But it's sacred not secret so nobody knows.
Now Rudy Guiliani has had three wives,
But so did my Grandpa so what's the jive?
If opinions change, well, I'm not blind,
You can count on me to change my mind.
If pretty but empty is what you love,
Vote for the guy named after a glove.
Sponsored by the Committee for Flexible Conservatism
Top Ten Changes if Mitt is elected Presidentcreated by NotNow - 04/07/2007
10.The nation's capital will be moved from Washinton D.C to Jackson County Missouri.
9.The new White House will have spires and an angel Moroni on top.
8.The Oval Office will be decorated with mirrors and crystal chandeliers, and we will be referred to as the Celestial Room.
7.Introduction will be President and Sister Romney.
6.No more "Hail to the Chief".......It will now be "We Thank Thee O God for a Prophet".
5.The Cabinet will be renamed.....The General Authorities.
4.All Cabinet members must be endowed and sealed to Mitt.
3.The State room will be replaced with a Cultural Hall.
2.The Washington Monument will be moved to Missouri and named, Joseph's Shaft.
1. Mitt will ride a white horse to his inauguration while singing, "Onward Christian Warrior".
Top 10 reasons to elect Mitt Romneysubmitted by SL Cabbie (author unknown) - 02/28/2007
10) The National Cathedral could be renamed the National Tabernacle
9) NASA could commission a satellite to 'hie to Kolob'
8) The Secret Service could be renamed the Sacred Service
7) All official government prayers could include the phrase 'that we all can get home safely'
6) Napoleon Dynamite could get someone other than Pedro elected
5) The President could not only explain things in Layman's terms, but also Lemuel's terms
4) The President could issue pardons in exchange for 100% home teaching
3) Not only could he pronounce 'Nuclear' but also 'Mahonri Moriancumer' and 'Maher Shalal Hash Baz'.
2) At his inauguration he would swear on the Bible 'as far as it is translated correctly'
1) Finally a first family large enough to fill up the White House
Romney responds more generally when asked if he has participated in an endowment ceremony, in which men and women take vows of secrecy about temple rites and of obedience to the Lord, and begin the daily practice of wearing a sacred "temple garment" resembling abbreviated long underwear.
"I do attend the temple of my church … and people can learn about that by contacting the church," he says, adding: "I'm sure on the Internet you can find every single aspect of what's entailed." - 02/13/2006 - USA Today
Dick Morris looks at the four leading GOP presidential contenders in 2008 -- John McCain, Mitt Romney, Newt Gingrich and Rudy Giuliani -- and notes: "The only one of these guys who hasn't had multiple wives is the Mormon."
Ann Romney Interviewed by Kate Snow02/14/2007 - by ABC News
The Mormon Factor
Snow: I want to ask a few questions about your faith, and about religion, because it is such a topic, as you know, of conversation. Every time I think Romney's name, your husband's name comes up&it's mentioned. You converted.
Romney: I did.
Snow: To the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.
Romney: I did. I did when Mitt was away. He, he and I dated in High School, and I started first to ask him, you know, what do Mormons believe? When I was a, I think a sophomore in high school. And he left and went to Stanford for a year, and then off for two and a half years to serve a mission for his church in France, and during that time, Mitt's father was wonderful, and, took me to church on Sundays, occasionally. And I came to that on my own. It was, it was a good thing that I did.
Snow: Not something he asked you to do?
Romney: Not something he asked me to do, and when he came home, we were still in love, and we got married pretty quickly after that, and the five boys followed.
Snow: So as someone who converted to the church, and was once on the outside, can you understand people's apprehensions about it?
Romney: Yes. (Laughs)
Romney: I've been both places.
Snow: They don't understand it.
Romney: There's no, there's a lot of misperception. A lot of misunderstanding and misperceptions about, about the church, and that's unfortunate. It's, um, I, I had them too, before I joined. And so it's um, there's a lot that needs to be done to educate people about it, and to have an understanding that, um, basically we share the same values as probably most faiths.
Snow: In our latest ABC poll where we asked about this, 35 percent of Americans said they'd be less likely to vote for a presidential candidate who was Mormon.
Romney: And I think that the difference is that once they get to know this Mormon, they're fine with it. (Laughs)
Snow: It's not about, it's not about his religion? I know he has said that, that he would, he would answer to the constitution.
Romney: No, of course.
Snow: Do you think he has to give a speech about it, though? Do you think he has to do sort of a Kennedy-esque (speech)?
Romney: Well, I personally think he does. We'll see whether his staff and whether my husband comes to that same conclusion, and I'm actually anxious for that to happen.
Snow: People do have crazy ideas.
Romney: They do.
Snow: I mean, I know you know this. That show, Big Love.
Romney: I know, and that's so unfortunate.
Snow: It's really unfortunate.
Romney: It's, unfortunately, you know, polygamy, is, (laughs) Mitt has only one wife and polygamy has been outlawed in the United States for a long time, and you know, if you are involved in polygamy, you are excommunicated, there is, polygamy is not any part of this church.
Snow: In, in some ways, do you, do you like that you're going to be able to spread that message? That you're going to be able to shed a little light on a faith that people don't know much about?
Romney: No, I don't know if that's a byproduct of it, and it's not why we're doing this, but I, I would hope that all of these things bring light to everything where we, where people have misperceptions about not just this faith, but maybe someone else's faith, and that, and again, it was that same experience that I learned, um, with my MS, and coming to the conclusion that you really need to look to the heart and soul of someone, and see where they're coming from. And certainly if people look at our heart and soul, they will understand that we're in this race to make a difference, and to help, and that we share the values of most Americans, and um, yes, we have our faith, and you know, we do believe that Jesus Christ is our personal savior, so, you know, I think that a lot of people need to, to maybe get used to. vSnow: Could you see voting for someone who's faith you don't understand well? For example, I don't know, someone who is a member of Islam, or, or Jewish? Would you have any trouble?
Romney: I would hope that people take the measure of the man or the woman. And, and take that, and recognize too, that people have faith traditions that may be a little different, but looking for the similarities that, that bind us together.
Mitt and Jeff Run For Presidency
Mitt Romney and Jeffrey Holland claim to be the Lord's ticket for the presidency in 2008.
by cricket - AP - Affiliated Pharisees
Salt Lake City - Mitt Romney surprised conservate voters by announcing his run for U.S.president will include Jeffrey R. Holland, a sitting Mormon apostle as his running mate.
"I picked Jeff Holland as my vice presidential running mate because he's a tough ol' battle worn warrior. Just look at his face. He looks like he's been fighting in the political campaign trenches for twenty years!" bragged Romney.
Those murmurings started by the Boston Globe last week about Jeff Holland holding closed door meetings with Mitt Romney and prominent Mormon money men appear to be much more than just "faith promoting rumors" - the ACLU charged.
Romney timed his announcement to coincide with the Latter-day Saint General Conference so as to gather more Mormon momentum. Romney claimed, My candidacy shall roll forth unto the ends of the Utah, as the stone which is cut out of the mountain without hands shall roll forth, until it has filled the whole nation."
Romney addressed the solemn assembly of the twenty three thousand faithful conference goers using the "Thirteen Articles of Faith" as his proposed platform for the Republican Party's upcoming convention. All present then voted and sustained Brother Romney and Brother Holland as presidential patrons with power in the priesthood to be upon them and their posterity through all political primaries and through all generations of time.
Romney testified that his patriarchal blessing commanded him to run for the highest office in the land which would atone Mormonism founder, Joseph Smith's failed run for the presidency over a century ago. "With the Lord on our side and with all temple attenders placing the names of Mitt and Jeff on the prayer roll we will smite our enemies and win in a landslide!" Romney prophesied.
Jeff Holland righteously boasted, "When the Constitution of the United States 'hangs by a thread' Mitt and I will save the day as the Lord's Commanders in Chief."
Holland went on to challenge all Home and Visiting Teachers to not only hand out "Mitt and Jeff" campaign fliers but to email everyone they know, especially BYU alumni. Holland offered the password to his BYU email account to anyone who will help spread the good word.
When the ninety six year old Latter-day Saint Prophet, Gordon B. Hinckley was asked for his opinion about the exciting GOP news, he mumbled, "Oh, I don't know much about Mutt and Jeff. I didn't look at that comic strip too much when I was younger. I was too busy doing church work and ghost writing for the Deseret News. And did you know that GOP stands for Grand Old Prophet? Hee, hee, hee!"
Dallin Oaks, another apostle commented. "I am so relieved my good brethren will be running for the presidency. The thought of a female presidency like Hillary Clinton, Condoleeza Rice or Oprah Winfrey is too threatening to my Holy Masculinic Priesthood. To use presiding as an example, what I am saying is that women should not attempt to be manly presidents. Nor should women emulate the worldly ways of womanhood. A woman's destiny is to be a wife and a mother in Zion, not a model and a streetwalker in Babylon. Take my second wife Kristen for example, she's such a trophy and example even if she doesn't know how to sort socks."
Maureen Dowd from the New York Times grilled Romney, "The Mormon Church funding and sponsoring your campaign is a direct violation of IRS tax excempt rules and regulations. How can you brethren be so brazen?"
"Well Sister Dowd, it's quite easy. With Orrin Hatch and Harry Reid in congress we will change the Internal Revenue Service to the Internal Religion Service" boasted Romney. "Step aside Sister Dowd, "Today is the day of my power and I will will take the treasury of the United States and buy up armies and navies, popes and priests and reign with blood atonement and horror on the earth!"
_______________________________________________________________________I told my friend I left the LDS Church because I wanted a shot at being President of the US.01/27/2007 - by Rubicon
I caught some hell from an old BYU roomate about me leaving the Mormon church. He hit the roof when I told him I had my family's records removed. I just got tired of his preachy, judgemental, obviousely Mormon griping and told him,"Look, I have asperations to be president of the United States someday and I don't need the Mormon Church taking that opportunity from me!" He was speechless.
Of course I was BSing him and I have no asperations to be president at all, but I was making the point that being Mormon in many ways is a social handicap. Maybe in Mormon circles it isn't but get outside of the Mormon Corridor and you belong to a wierd cult that believes in polygammy.
FLDS Polygamous Raid in Texas04/18/2008 - by Adult of God
There was an ex-gov named Mitt
Who thought as vice prez I'm a hit!
But says old McCain,
The polygs are your Bain.
With that Texas manure, you're shit!
Mitt wants the Republican nod12/28/2006 - by Num Lock
Mitt wants the Republican nod,
And begs the assistance of God.
He swore consecration,
He'll admonish the Nation
to hold to Old Joe's Iron rod.
Mitt claimed once to love all, t'is true;12/26/2006 - by flattopSF
Mitt claimed once to love all, t'is true;
Though gay marriage he seeks to undo.
"Since their sex is kinky,
On this I'll be stinky —
'S'long as polygamy's taboo, too."
When asked re: his church affiliation12/26/2006 - by flattopSF
When asked re: his church affiliation,
Who's the guy who'll be bossing the nation;
Mitt said "Are you a dope?
Hinckley knows he's no Pope!
As my Prophet and Seer he knows his station!"
Candidate Romney justifies his means12/24/2006 - by cricket
Candidate Romney justifies his means by the ends
With Feminists, Abortionists, Gays and Evangelicals it all depends
On getting his smooze to float
So for him they'll all vote
Because in high power politics "Mitt happens."
There once was a candidate named Mitt12/24/2006 - by Fallible
There once was a candidate named Mitt
Being a Mormon he's full of shit
To be number one
Would be lots of fun
But smart people won't vote for the twit
For answers, Mitt lies in the lurch12/24/2006 - by flattopSF
For answers, Mitt lies in the lurch
About his polygamous church:
"Don't lightly disparage
A Mexican marriage:
Cuz my grampa's good name you'll besmirch!"
Mitt Takes the Oath of Office
12/23/2006 - A.R.
Mitt Takes the Oath of Office (Wearing a green temple figleaf apron and baker's cap, complete with white, soft-sole slippers, left hand on the Book of Mormon [held by Sister Romney with her face veiled], right arm to the square with the palm of the hand to the front, the fingers close together and the thumb extended):
"I, Brother Willard Mitt Romney, do solemnly swear under penalty of having my throat slit from ear to ear, my heart ripped out and by guts disemboweled, that I will faithfully execute the office of President of the Theocratically United States of the Mormon Kingdom of God on Earth and will to the best of my ability, preserve, protect and defend the LDS Church Handbook of Instructions (along with my many wives whom I will receive as an eternal reward in the highest degree of heaven in the hereafter), doing so against all other peoples, faiths, sexual orientations and colors, as I am directed from Salt Lake City, Utah, by the modern-day Mormon prophet, seer and revelator, so help me Elohim."
(Instead of "Hail to the Chief," the band then plays "Praise to the Man Who Communes with Jehovah," followed by a General Conference, rather than an Inaugural Address)
Mitt Romney: politician first, Mormon somewhere further down the list
12/09/2006 - Stray Mutt
There's an article in todays NY Times about how Mitt, when running for the Senate against Ted Kennedy in 1994, wrote to the Log Cabin Club of Massachusetts (the gay Republican political organization) claiming he would be a better defender of gay rights than Kennedy.
Among other things, he wrote, “We must make equality for gays and lesbians a mainstream concern.”
And yet now he's a big opponent to same-sex marriage. His spokespeople split hairs and talk circles when they try to explain how Romney's position has always been consistent. No, he's just being a politician, chasing after votes any way that looks expedient. Forget personal standards, what does one need to say to get elected?
Like anyone else who rises to his level in politics, Mitt is mostly about what's good for his career. All that moral standard bearer stuff? Mmmm, not so much.
Mitt's undergarments mentioned on "Hardball"
11/26/2006 - Stray Mutt
I happened to see this edition of "Hardball" last Wednesday. I wanted to post about it earlier but the transcript wasn't available until today. At the end of a discussion about what role religion might play in the '08 election, talk turned to Mitt Romney:
>ALTER: That‘s right. If Prince Charming in the form of Mitt Romney comes along, you know, he could sway the people.
>MATTHEWS: ... Yes well what about Prince Charming? Do they like the cut of his jib or what?
>ALTER: The cut of his jib is pretty impressive on television. This guy makes a formidable candidate. Now there are all these questions about will the evangelicals, do they consider him a Christian or not. But when they actually tee it up and the whole Mormon issue comes to the fore, a lot of Republicans might conclude, hey, at least we know he believes in God...
>MATTHEWS: ...I think you‘re right, this thing about being Mormon, LDS Church of Latter Day Saints, I wonder whether it‘s going to be a front page discussion in the “New York Times” or in “Time” magazine or “Newsweek.” Will you folks in the weeklies start writing big pieces about what Mormonism is all about or will you let that go?
>ALTER: No no, we already actually did a cover story on Mormonism that was quite interesting in the past year. But this issue will get teed up. There will be at least a week of what I call—if Romney‘s a formidable candidate, what I call the undergarments week.
>MATTHEWS: Yes, I know what you mean, the undergarments that people wear under their clothes, yes.
>ALTER: And he will be asked those questions because nothing is spared in a presidential campaign. You know this better than anybody, Chris. Every question eventually gets asked if you stay in for the duration.
>MATTHEWS: I think religion is more important now than it was back in ‘60, Jon. I remember when the first Catholic was elected, it was about sort of class and old traditional arguments. But it wasn‘t really about belief. Now these are much more about moral belief that we‘re fighting about now.
>ALTER: Yes, George Romney didn‘t have to deal with it all when he ran for president in 1968, do you remember that?
>MATTHEWS: I know, I don‘t even think people cared.
>JAVERS: The other thing about Mitt Romney is that he‘s actually served as an officer in the church. I mean, sort of the equivalent of a bishop.
>MATTHEWS: Thank you Jon Alter, thank you Karen Tumulty, thank you Eamon Javers. And from all of us at HARDBALL and to you and your family, a very happy Thanksgiving.
It seemed like they wanted to talk more about the oddities of Mormonism and Mitt's part in it, but they ran out of time.
So will the Secret Service be let into the temple?
11/16/2006 - Tired of Wor and Sandy from Recovery from Mormonism
If Romney becomes a Presidential Candidate will the Secret Service be allowed inside the temple? Will the networks have cameras ready to show Romney toting his Quad into the LDS Church on Sundays? Will they be there when he attends a temple endowment session? Can you imagine what the public will want to know about what goes on in the temple Candidate Romney is attending? Won't that be fun!?
And you thought the garmie feel-up was bad. Wait until you get felt up by secret service prior to an endowment session with Mitt. ROFL!
My Song For Mitt
08/01/2006 - Dizz Knee
Zip up your doo-dah
Zip it today
You gotta learn what words not to say
Plenty of black folk
Won't vote that way
Zip up your doo-dah
Zip it today
Mittster's bloopers gettin' bolder
It's uncouth, insulting
You need better spin consulting
Zip up your doo-dah
Zip it today
Plenty of coverage
Whatever you say
Mitt Romney - Tar Babies
08/01/2006 - bitterroot
Maybe Mitt was talking about the latter-day TAR BABY". If so, will he lose the Mormon block vote?
In early 1832, opposition took a violent turn. On Saturday, March 24, Joseph was dragged from his bedroom in the dead of night. His attackers strangled him until he blacked out, tore off his shirt and drawers, beat and scratched him, and jammed a vial of poison against his teeth until it broke. After tarring and feathering his body, they left him for dead. Joseph limped back to the Johnsons' house and cried out for a blanket. Through the night, his friends scraped off the tar until his flesh was raw.
— Richard Bushman, Joseph Smith: Rough Stone Rolling, p. 178
Where Romney's loyalty lies
07/24/2006 - Alan C. Robinson - Melbourne, Australia
I'm from Australia currently working in Malaysia and, as a former bishop, branch president and district president of the LDS Church, I am well aware of the influence that church leaders, in particular the prophet, have over its members.
As such, would Mitt Romney take directions from the prophet of the church if he were elected president? Of course he would! And any pretense that the prophet or the church wouldn't try to influence him on matters important to them is just fantasy.
So, should anyone vote for a president of a country who can be directed or influenced by others? Of course not! And those who try to promote that being a member of the church is incidental to the office of president, or any other position for that matter, needs to have a reality check!
The fact that Mitt has a temple recommend indicates that he has already given his total obedience to his leaders in all matters.
If Mitt became President
07/10/2006 - byPuli
I can see it now if Mitt became President. Every Monday would be Family Home State of the Union
Joseph Smith would replace George Washington on the $1.00 bill.
Hurricane Katrina would be declared the United State's baptism and 10% of our tax money would have to be paid to the Mormon church.
We'd suddenly find ourselves with two Vice presidents instead of one - a first and second VP.
The Senate would be reduced to twelve members and the House of Representatives to seventy, and citizens of the nation can vote to confirm Mitt's appointments to the new Celestial Legislature.
What a nightmare!
Top Ten Campaign Slogans Mitt Romney Will Have To Repeat Repeatedly To Get Himself Elected President
04/16/2006 - by Blash
10. Shhhhh! (Whispering) Between you and me, I've known it's a complete load of crap since I was eight years old, but you gotta cut me some slack. Daddy's attorneys wrote a clause in my Trust Fund provisions that cuts me off cold turkey if I ever get myself X'd or even hint in public that Joseph Myth lied.
9. I know that we used to teach that, but we quit back in 1978 because our PR firm's focus group studies discovered it was decreasing new baptisms by 28%.
8. Yes, that was an embarrassing moment in our history, but traveling through mountain meadows can be dangerous in other ways as well, you know. There's like poison oak and stuff. And snakes. You know snakes can kill people too.
7. I'll admit that the President Woodruff's revelation to publicly cancel "polyfucking" was curiously timed with the admission of Utah into the Union. Yeah, and I supposed you would have passed up all those federal matching funds from Congress? Right. Don't forget that the actual "polyfucking" continues under the table to this day. We knew the Federal Bureau of Intercourse could never keep tabs on that many dicks - well-hidden so much of the time (wink). Clever, don't you think?
6. As much as I hate to admit it, the rumor that I lost my virginity in the back seat of a '59 Rambler American is unfortunately true. It's not unfortunate that I lost my virginity, but a '57 Chevy would look a lot better on my resume'. On the bright side, at least it wasn't an Edsel or Nash Metropolitan.
5. I hope the fact that I was born with a silver spoon in my mouth won't lose too many votes for me. You gotta understand, though, that it was a character building experience having to order the maid to pick up my toys every Saturday night. That experience taught me the leadership skills I will carry into the White House.
4. Graduating Magna Cummin Maipants from the J. Reuben Sandwich School of Law was indeed an honor. Learning how to lie convincingly (like my role model, Dallin Oaks) Monday thru Friday added to my previously well-practiced skills to lie convincingly on Sunday -- particularly Fast Sunday.
3. Well, I think running the country is very similar to CEO-ing the Winter Olympics. I'm already well-experienced at bribing officials and judges to get my way. And if bribery doesn't get results, I can pull out all the stops and threaten coerced attendance at General Conference. I hate to resort to cruel and unusual torture tactics, but when it's for the greater good, I think it can be justified.
2. No success can compensate for failure to get elected. If I have to sacrifice my family to gain the White House, then, Hey! I'll be the president of the whole country. How cool is that? Who needs a family if you are the president?
1. After I am elected and safely installed in the White House, I might just strap on enough balls to get myself excommunicated. I could invite Gordumb to the White House and hold a Press Conference, and tell Gordumb on National TV that Joseph Myth lied and I know it, and Gordumb is a phony fraud, and I know it. On the other hand, I could remain a member in good standing and command the Smithsonian Institution by Executive Order to change its name to the Mythsonian Institution, and then command it to use the Book of Moron as an archealogical digging guide.
It would be fun to watch the Mythsonian experts trying to figure out how far Zarahemla is from the Narrow Neck of Land. They could consult with FARMS and get advice on where to dig. And when all they dig up is dirt and rocks, the FARMS scholars could research the Book of Moron and see if dirt and rocks were mentioned anywhere - thus proving once again that it's the most correct book on earth.
Commander in Chief Mitt Romney's Top Ten Priorities Upon Taking Office
03/30/2006 - by cricket
10. Replace office of vice president with offices of First Counselor and Second Counselor
9. Reduce current size of Cabinet from fifteen to twelve to match the number of oxen supporting Mormon temple baptism fonts.
8. Call the Three Nephites to assume the Office of Homeland Security.
7. Disconnect the "Red Phone" from the link to Moscow to a link to Salt Lake City's Church Administration Building.
6. Order all military personnel to wear Mormon temple garments for protection from bullets, fire, knife wounds, weapons of mass destruction and sexually transmitted disease.
5. Suggest to Gordon Hinckley that he call Hillary Clinton as first non-Mormon General Relief Society President in order to get more Democrat votes for his second term.
4. Call Boyd K Packer to head up the Federal Bureau of Investigation into any and everything of a personal nature to young men.
3. Rename the Department of the Interior to the Department of the Inferior and call his wife Ann as the director.
2. Begin each cabinet meeting with gang-like handshakes, tokens, signs and penalties and conclude the meeting with the "True Circle Jerk Order of Prayer."
1. Make Re-formed Egytian the official language of The United Nations.
So Mitt Romney's trying to round up Jewish support: hmmmm....11/13/2005 - by Tal Bachman
Can you imagine this in a press conference?
"Governor Romney - of all the books in the world both religious and secular, which of all of them do you consider to be 'the most correct book on earth'?"
If he says anything other than the Book of Mormon, then I guess we know what kind of Mormon, and man, Mitt really is...plus, headlines could read "Mitt Romney at Odds with LDS Leaders", etc.
And if he says the Book of Mormon, we point out then that Mitt assents to the claim that Jesus was born a Jew because the Jews were the only race depraved enough to kill the Messiah (II Nephi 10:3), that anti-semitism is the JEWS' OWN FAULT (II Nephi 29:5), and that the freedom of the United States of America is in peril BECAUSE JEWS ARE HERE (Ether 2:8-12).
If there are any astute reporters out there, Mitt's presidential run should be really entertaining (does someone want to send this to a reporter friend?).
Questions to ask Romney in a hypothetical press conference11/13/2005 - by bishop Rick
1. Mr. Romney, do you believe that the American Indian's skin is dark because their forefathers were cursed by God?
2. Mr Romney, do you believe that the original inhabitants of the Americas were practicing Christians hundreds of years before Jesus was born?
3. Mr Romney, do you believe that God views religions other than Mormonism as "abominations"? (See first vsion account)
4. Mr Romney, do you believe that black people's skin is dark because they are descendents of Cain, who was cursed by God for killing his brother Abel?
5. Mr Romney, do you believe that there is an old guy in Salt Lake City who receives revelations directly from God?
Mr Romney, if you are listening: Massachusetts evidently know little or cares much about Mormonism. The U.S. Presidency has much bigger stakes. If these kinds of questions were not asked in your gubernatorial campaign, you can bet they will be in your presidential. If I can offer you some advice, take a couple of weeks and honestly study the origins of your religion. Look at both sides of the issue. Leaving that cult you are bound to before you run for president might lose you 3 electoral college votes (Utah) but is would probably gain you a lot of respect and votes elsewhere.
Born March 12, 1947, in Detroit.
EDUCATION: B.A. 1971, highest honors, Brigham Young University; M.B.A. 1975, Baker Scholar, Harvard Business School; J.D. 1975, cum laude, Harvard Law School.
CAREER: 1975, Boston Consulting Group; 1977, Bain & Co.; 1978-1984, vice president of Bain & Co.; 1984, founded Bain Capital; 1990, took two-year leave from Bain Capital to return as interim CEO of Bain & Co., 1994, Republican U.S. Senate nominee in Massachusetts; 1994-1999, Bain Capital; 1999-2002, president of Salt Lake Olympics Organizing Committee; 2002, elected governor of Massachusetts.
FAMILY: Married to Ann Romney, March 21, 1969; five sons, five daughters-in-law and eight grandchildren.