WANTED: Parasite seeks new host country
Due to recent financial upheavals and with several more earth-shattering financial meltdowns to come down upon our present host, this parasite is looking for a well-heeled and very easily manipulated nation to glom onto.
The host nation will have the following traits in order to satisfy fully the unquenchable thirst and desires of the parasite:
1. The country's banking system MUST be in private hands, like a federal reserve type of banking cartel. For reasons not to be discussed here, this trait is an absolute and no country will be considered that has control of its own monetary supply.
2. The country MUST have a large and well financed military, that is willing to send its kids off to far away lands, fighting wars for the parasite's entertainment. No questions will be allowed as to what the host country's kids are doing fighting these wars as these blood sacrifices are necessary for the parasite's long term well-being.
3. The Main Stream Media, including, but not limited to the written press, television, publishing and cable television, is to be placed in the control of the parasite for reasons of national security. Naturally, since this is a "national security" issue, no discussion will be allowed on this point.
(Note: For now, the control of the pesky Internet is still up for grabs, but other parasite's are working to secure that venue.)
4. The host country's educational system must be throttled down to where it teaches nonsense instead of history and teaches fiction instead of fact. For example, in the country of our current host, we have managed to indoctrinate a large portion of the populace with the fictions of the Holocaust™ and the countries applying to be our next host should expect no less.
5. The parasite realizes that being a host country is a draining experience, so to help alleviate that, we will encourage the following forms of recreation to take our host's minds off what is really happening. The forms of recreation not only allowed, but encouraged are: Various forms of "pro" sports; Mindless television shows that have no morally redeeming value; pornography and hour after hour of empty "news" coverage of the bimbo of the week.
6. The host country will not expect the parasite to do any work whatsoever, especially the physical kind.
Being a parasite is a full-time job, but the host country can help with keeping the host nation's people tied up with a feeling of helplessness, by filling the airwaves with mind numbing news stories about gruesome rapes, kidnappings and murders committed around the country, without offering anything of value in the way of context or sociological or historical perspective.
All countries wishing to apply for this position should contact the nearest Israeli embassy and do so quickly, as our current host is fading fast.
Remember, this is a once in a lifetime opportunity, since once your country has hosted this parasite, it won't be much good for anything else, so apply today!
