Proctologist shortage in DC as US delegation heads home from Israel
Washington, DC
Officials at the Walter Reed Hospital in D.C. are putting out a plea for help for practicing proctologist's to fly to D.C. ASAP to help with the overload in patients returning from the celebration of Israel affair held this past week.
"We're seeing returning U.S. Senators and Representatives coming back here with massive tearing in their rectum, due to their undying loyalty and sacrifice to Israel", said Dr. Ramit Hardstein, Chief Proctologist for Walter Reed. "When they said they loved Israel and would do anything for her, well, some of my brethren in Tel Aviv and West Jerusalem took that a little too literally."
"Certainly, some amount of damage was to be expected, as is the case anytime a U.S. official visits Israel, but the massive tears in their rectal walls is unheard of, even for these special friends of Israel", said Hardstein.
"Why didn't they take precautions?" lamented Harstein. "Upon arrival at Ben Gurion airport, each U.S. official was handed a Holocaust™ by DKNY gift bag, which contained a large tub of KY Jelly; a large box of tissues and a customized set of knee pads, for those prolonged sessions."
"All they had to do was to smear prodigious amounts of the KY Jelly on their rectal area, to help facilitate one-on-one action with their favorite Jewish idol. And now look, they got so excited that few used the KY Jelly, instead choosing to have a more "intimate" relation with their favorite Zionist."
"And that's not all", said Hardstein. "We're also putting out a plea for Oral Surgeons to come to our aid, as there seems to be more than a few that besides having rectal tears, also have jaw problems, due to their loving embraces of their Jewish friends."
"At least we won't have to worry about the president, GW Bush, returning with any rectal problems requiring some stitches, since GW got his "hard and fast" primer on Israel years ago, said Hardstein.
You got me to giggle out loud several times in this post.
The post was written as satire, but in some ways,
metaphorically speaking, it's pretty much the truth.
Our reps in DC gladly get down on their knees to "service" Israel, then bring that home to their constituents and give it to We the People.
Good luck with your mother. My step-mom died from ovarian cancer, after a very long 18 months of agony.
I'm sorry for what your going thru, i send my prayers to you and your family tonight.
Dua Shifa
O Allah, we are spiritually sick and we are physically sick.
O my Allah, so many of our brothers and sisters, and our parents are sick and ailing. They are in hospitals. Some are in nursing homes and old-age homes.
O Allah, grant shifa to those who are sick and ailing.
O my beloved Allah, shifa is in Your hands.
O Allah, we know that there is effect in du’aa and there is effect in medication, but O Allah, shifa is in Your hands.
O Allah, we know that sometimes sickness is a rahmat and a blessing in a disguised form, but we are extremely weak.
O Allah, even if such sickness is a rahmat…O Allah, change it to the rahmat of good health.
…But O Allah, we know that most of our sicknesses, depression and anxieties are because of our sins.
O Allah, grant us shifa from all sicknesses and ailments – physical and spiritual.
O Allah, bless us with physical health and spiritual health.
Really sorry to hear about your Mother. I'll pray for her recovery and peace.
Best wishes to AA and family